All in a Day's Work

It's been a crazy week.  Lots of little things happened, and a couple big things.

I ended up getting the Subaru.  It wouldn't start that day because the starter system was broken - sound familiar?  The dealer assured me nothing else was wrong with the car, so I went ahead and bought it.  It has started this whole week, so I guess that's a good sign, right?  It's a cute little car, and it'll get me around.  So at least I have some way to get around.  This is a good thing!

Christmas was fun.  I woke up really early to video chat with my family and watch them open presents and wish I was there.  It was good to see them though.  I felt a little at home...Then I got ready for work and worked with my girls for the rest of the day.  We had prime rib and mashed potatoes for dinner, so it was all good.  Pretty low key, not too much girl drama, and a relaxing night.  

Yesterday I went to work and took the girls sledding.  A few funny stories.  You know how when the snow on tree branches gets too heavy, and all the snow falls?  Well, in native Alaskan culture, there are little evil men that live in the trees and woods.  When the snow falls, it is a warning sign to get out of the forest, otherwise they will get you.  So, while we were walking trying to find a good place to sled, the snow would fall and the girls would freak out.  We finally found a good hill, and started to sled.  All of a sudden, all of the trees around us lost their snow.  The girls didn't like that at all.  It was pretty comical.  So we continued sledding and a bad thing happened...

...All I know is that at the top of the hill, my wrist was fine.  At the bottom of the hill, my wrist was not fine.  I got to the bottom of the hill and couldn't move my wrist or bend my fingers.  I kept trying, and "walking off the pain", but it wasn't working too well.  There was no immediate swelling, so I didn't think I broke anything.  So, to distract myself from the pain, I initiated a snowball fight.  Rule number one: if you are from California, never get in a snowball fight with an Alaskan - they WILL beat you!  And hit you every time.  And make the best snowballs.  It's quite a learning experience.  Rule number two: never get into a snowball fight right after you injure your throwing hand - it doesn't help.  After loosing at the snowball fight, and hiking back to the house, I looked at my wrist and realized that it was pretty dang swollen.  Our clinician Doug said I had to go to the ER to get it checked out.  He voluntarily took me down to the hospital.  Five hours later, I went home with a very bad sprain (no broken bones!) and a splint.  Yay for that.  Right handed splints are not fun when you're right-handed...So I'm learning to do many things with my left hand - ha!

I got to see Aunt Evie, Uncle Leo, and Daniel while they were at my house the other night.  Let me tell you, it was SO funny - it was chaos.  I don't even remember half of what happened, I just remember laughing and having a stomach ache that night!  My family was there too - it was quite hilarious.  So thanks to all of you!

I went on a snow hike with my friend Crystal.  It was beautiful and reminded me of Narnia.  It started to snow pretty hard while we were out, so we turned back before getting to the end of the trail.  But it was beautiful and so much fun.  We came back to my house and drank hot tea and chatted for a while, so that was fun.  

I get to work a double shift tomorrow, and then six days next week, so pray for me!

I love you and miss you!  Hope all is well and Happy New Year!

Blessings!

It's Almost Christmas...

...And I have yet to do some Christmas shopping...yup.  I'm in big trouble.

But here's the deal.  I've been under so much stress the past few weeks that I've cried enough tears to fill an ocean, got mad enough to light a runway, been excited enough to make even the toughest kids smile.   If you add it all together, you equal the panic attack that got me Wednesday night.  Yes, it was a fun week.

Many of you know the car problems I've been having.  I finally decided to buy another car.  So Aunt Tara and I went looking for cars last Thursday and Friday, and I found two cars: one was a little out of my price range but a solid car, and one was right in my price range but an older car.  I decided I wanted to buy the 96 Subaru because it was more in my price range and I've been told my multiple people - including car mechanics - that Subaru's are one of the best cars you can get in Alaska.  So the car dealer tells me I can take the car for the weekend and see how I like it.  I drive it around the first day, park it in my driveway overnight and try to start it the next morning.  I bet none of you can guess what happened.  If you guessed that the car wouldn't start, give yourself fifty million bonus points!  The lights and radio started, but the car would not turn on.  Sound familiar?  So I call the dealer, and he's sending someone out tonight to tow it back to the dealership.  So now I'm just a bit more nervous about buying this car.  Can you blame me???

I switched my job this week too.  I am now a Case Manager at Lighthouse, the all girls house.  I'm pretty dang excited about this switch, and so far it's been good.  Two of our girls are on home pass for the holidays, so our house only has three girls right now.  It's so nice.  I couldn't have had a better time to come on board at that house.  It'll be a nice, slow introduction to everything.

I'm starting to get a little sad about not going home for Christmas.  It'll be fine - I'm working Christmas Eve and morning, so that should be interesting.  Hopefully everything will go well and the girls will have a good Christmas.  It'll be different, that's for sure. 

So with all these stressors, some good, some not so good, it's been quite a lot to deal with.  It's hard to keep my head above water right now.  But then I am reminded, especially in this Christmas season, that Jesus is right there with me.  He's not going to leave me.  When I get tired and weary, He doesn't.  He came to this earth, all those years ago, so that I would be OK today.  I can continue to have hope and faith in Him even though it seems the world is falling apart around me.  Jesus truly is the reason for the season!

I love you and miss you terribly!

Blessings!

Baby, it's C-O-L-D Outside!!!

I woke up this morning to really cold snow on the ground.  While it wasn't the two feet everyone was predicting, it was still a lot of snow.  It's expected to snow more this afternoon, so maybe we'll get the two feet total.  I don't know.  But here are some pics from this morning!

Blessings!

Back to the Cold...

My time at home was amazing - too many memories to write down.  But those of you who I got to visit with and see, thank you SO much!  Here are some pictures from the visits:

I think all of your visits are gonna get me through the long winter ahead.  And it's gonna be a doozy!  

The paper and weather stations today said there was a winter storm coming in tonight and tomorrow where we could see up to two feet of snow and have blackouts.  Here's the website to one of the reports:  http://www.wunderground.com/US/AK/025.html

Sound like fun?  I'm not sure I'm cut out for winter up here.  But, like Uncle Leo said, I'm here and in an adventure - make the most of it and find something to enjoy.  I will, once I get over being terrified of the snow...

In other news, I am getting a new job and moving to a new house!  Let me explain.  I won't be working at Cornerstone anymore (this is the house where all my crazy stories come from).  I'm moving to Lighthouse, which is a level 4 facility that only houses 6 girls at a time.  These girls have substance abuse, mental issues, and have been abused in one way or another.  Rough crowd, but I think it'll be good.  I've pulled a couple shifts and really enjoy working there.  I'll be moving to Case Manager, which will be great.  I'll get to use my degree a little bit more, so I'm pretty stoked about that.  I'll let you know how that all turns out.

I already miss home so much and want so bad to go back.  But I think these new changes will be good and keep my mind off wanting to be home.  I'll take pictures of the snow tomorrow and try to post them in a timely manner.

Know you are all in my prayers and I miss you!

Blessings!

Is It Time Yet?

I just want to go home! 4 days, please go by fast! I have lot's of stuff to do before I go, but I think I can get it all done in time.

I think God is really trying to teach me patience and is pointing things out in my life that need to change. I don't like it, and I'm stubborn, so this is something really hard for me. I don't like change, even if it's good. I have to warm up to the idea of change. There are things that I am doing that are causing me stress and my roommate stress that I'm thinking need to change. I'm not the only one to blame for the stress in my house right now, but I've realized that I'm not even trying to change that. Be in prayer for me in this! I think the time away will be good...

I can't wait to go home (in case you haven't gotten that memo...). I can't wait to see and hang out with my family, see my friends, get some hugs, and rest. I can't wait to relax for 12 days! Thursday, come quickly!

I don't really have a whole lot to post, other than I leave Thursday!!! YAY!!!!

Blessings!

Ninjas

I've told this story to quite a few people, and Linda said I should write about it in my blog. So here it is...

I had to work Halloween grave by myself. I was not happy. Luckily, it was a very quiet night - not one phone call, no one came walking in the door, none of the kids AWOL'd...it was a great night.
It was the night after that stuff went down.

Again, working by myself, at about 1:45 in the morning, I hear the front door open. I get ready for whoever it is to come to the office, but no one comes. About two minutes later, I hear the front door open and close again. Again, I don't see anyone. Then, about ten minutes later, I hear the door open and close again, and I look outside to see a kid looking at me through the window. Freaked me out. The kid turned around and started staggering down the ramp toward the parking lot. So I grab my huge MagLite flashlight (just in case...) and go to check it out. As I leave the office door, I practically run over another kid that is standing right by the office. Again, freaked me out. The kid is just looking at me! So I ask if there is anything I can do for him, and he says, "uh..." and walks into the conference room. I don't want to go in there because I don't know who or what else is in there. So I go to the next office over and get Ryan (he drives MCU and was doing paperwork). I ask for his help, he comes out and starts to go after the two kids that have now left Cornerstone. He comes back chuckling to himself. He says, "I've never seen that happen here before! They said that they wanted to be ninja's and sneak through Cornerstone, but staff caught them, so they left." Great...Now I have bears AND ninja's to worry about! So Ryan called the police to let them know. The rest of the night was great, and nothing has happened since KNOCK ON WOOD!!!

In other news, they hired another part-time grave person, so I won't have all the nights by myself...only a few. I'm thankful for that. Also, I get to come home in 13 days!!! I can't wait for that either.

Hope you are all doing well! Love you and miss you!

Blessings!

Snow Pictures!

On my Porch the morning after
My front Yard
The catwalk at work
More Catwalk
My deck at 11:30 pm

Interesting week...

This week has been interesting, that's for sure. Many things have happened, and I promise to put pictures up soon. I'm at work, so I can't do it tonight. Where to start...

Work is still insane. With Halloween coming up, I'm only expecting it to get even more crazy. I got to work on Thursday and found we had three kids on the run. One of the runners surprised us all. She has never run. She left us a note saying it wasn't against any staff that she was running - that she just needed a night to herself. Crazy girl...haha! One of our kids that ran a few weeks ago keeps calling us saying he is going to turn himself in (he has a warrant) but then never shows. He called again tonight - we'll see if he actually comes...The kids are keeping us all on our toes. It'll be interesting to see how things unfold around here...

In other news, the 1995 Buick Park Avenue. As many of you know, this has been a thorn in my side for weeks (I think it's actually been about four weeks since I last drove my car...). I called Todd (shop guy) to get the status and here's what he said: "We fixed the starter system problem and the alarm system problem. We found where the draw to your battery is. Here's the deal. The draw is coming from the door locks in your car. We're not sure which door. Problem is, the door lock motor is also connected to your trunk latch and horn. So, I can keep the car for a bit longer and take all the doors off and fix the problem so that you'll have power locks. Or, I can disconnect the power locks and you can have the car today." Yay! Take the power locks off! I can handle that! So I went down to pick up my car, and Todd says, "Your car is a pain in the neck!" I went to the car, turned the key, and it turned on!!! I needed to get gas. When I say I needed to get gas, I seriously needed to get gas - the gauge was lower than empty. So I drove to the gas station, pulled in, and pushed the button to open the gas door. It wouldn't open. Great...I'm thinking that the gas door opener motor is the same as the power locks, the trunk, and the horn. I have to drive back to the shop, pray they are still open, pray I have enough gas to get there, and see if he can fix that. I pull up, Todd comes walking out, and he says, "Laurie...what are you doing here?" So I ask if there was any chance that the gas motor was connected to the trunk motor. He popped the hood and put in a chip thing into the electrical system, and the door opened just fine. Then he says, "How much do you love your car? Here's the deal. I can leave the chip in, your gas door will open, you'll have power locks, your trunk will work, and you'll have a dead battery by morning. I take out the chip, you can't open the gas door, but your battery will be charged." Great options, I know. I asked if there was a way to rig the door so that I could manually open it. So, a few less motors and springs, I can manually open my gas door. I went back to the gas station, (I actually made it!), filled up, and drove home. I FINALLY HAVE A CAR AGAIN!!!

Earlier today, at about 4, I looked out the window to see "ash" falling from the sky. Can you tell I'm from Southern California, where there are fires this time of year, so you assume anything white floating down from the sky is ash? Pathetic, I know. I then realized it was snowing! It wasn't sticking at all, but it was really snowing. It's here...

I woke up at 11:15 tonight to go to work, and went out to my car. I just had to open my door, and gasp. My deck had snow on it. Just a little, but snow nonetheless. I walk down the stairs to my car, and it is COVERED in snow. It was seriously about two inches thick. Great. Winter has begun...So I run back up to get my ice scraper/snow brush (thanks Tara!) to brush off the snow on my car. I smile as I'm doing this, as the now is pouring down on me (does snow "pour" or is that just rain? Hmmm...). I finally clear all the windows, and begin my drive to work in the snow without snow tires. That will be an investment very soon...

I'm sitting at work right now looking outside and watching the snow fall. It really is a beautiful sight. The snow is actually about three inches thick now, and it's sticking to the ground. The weather forecaster got it wrong yet again. They said it would be a wet snow and that it wouldn't stick to the ground. Wrong!

All this to say I'm doing okay in the Great White North. I miss home and can't wait to go there in 27 days. It can't come soon enough!

I'm off to watch a movie. Or do paperwork....Movie sounds better....

I love you and miss you!
Blessings!

Music

I'm predicting that this blog will be very scattered. A lot has happened since I last posted, but not much to me. But thoughts are all over the place...I'll try to keep it as organized as possible.

I got out of work on Thursday morning at about 11 am. When you turn out of the parking lot at Cornerstone, you get a pretty cool view of Thunder Mountain. What was so cool about Thursday was this: Early Thursday morning, it was pouring down rain here, and about 35 degrees outside. So at 11 am the next morning, Thunder Mountain was COVERED in snow. I was so mad I didn't have my camera with me - it was so pretty! As I continued on home, I saw Mt. McGuiness and the other mountain next to it that were also covered in snow. The snow line is quite low...They're saying there's the possibility of snow in the next week. It's definitely cold enough! We'll see...I'm still not ready. Although, I did finally get a coat. It's super warm - I love it!

It's amazing to me how much music can influence a mood. Random, I know, but let me explain. Every night when I come into work, I turn on "piano" music. All night long, I listen to beautiful pieces of music. It's quiet and soothing and comforting to me. It's not fun being the only adult in charge of seven kids at night. After all, there are bears outside, and they'll eat you if you're not careful...

Then there's fun music. My new "favorite" country song is called "Love Story" by Taylor Swift. Hear me out. I'm not a fan of Taylor Swift. But this song is stinkin' cute! Youtube it...It's a song that makes me smile and gets stuck in my head at the most random times.

At church tonight, we sang "How Great You Are" or something like that. It's the song "How Great Thou Art" but more contemporary. Simply a beautiful song. I can't find it anywhere...sorry, you can't youtube that one. I wish you could hear it. It brings a smile to my face as I remember how truly great my God is. My soul sings! It's a song that has brought me comfort when I am homesick, when lousy things happen, etc. God is still great. I also realized at church tonight that one of my favorite sounds is the sound of people singing praises to God together. I'm sure I look like an idiot with my huge grin every time we all sing. I love it! Even if the person next to me is singing way off key, they are still praising the same God I am, and that is beautiful. I think it's a glimpse of heaven.

This week, I was bombarded with bad news. My car is still not working, although it is going in the shop either tomorrow or Sunday. A close college friend of mine woke up one morning to find her car was stolen (Between the two of us, we have some BAD car troubles!) Then the storm hit:

Our old pastor at my home church passed away a couple weeks ago. He was a dear man and will be missed. It came as quite a shock to me, and it makes me sad that I can't be at home right now. Then, I got news this week that a friend of mine passed away. If you live in Riverside and get the Press, there was an article about Steve W. In high school, I was involved in RYT, a theater group in Riverside. Debbie W was the director of RYT, and her husband Steve ran lights, sound, music, all of that. I was involved for about three years wit RYT, and became good friends with the W's. They went on a cruise in September, and Steve got sick about three days later. It was some sort of bacterial infection that wouldn't let up. Finally, Debbie decided to take Steve off life support, and he died shortly after. Their son is 17 and daughter is 12. It was devastating to me. I know what it's like to loose someone close to you, and it's not fun. I can't imagine loosing my dad at this age, let alone when I was 12 or 17. Be in prayers for the W family and the Anibal family.

Even with these deaths, God is still good. He is still in control. He will take care of these families. It will be hard, it's not going to be fun, but God is God. He's bigger than our sadness, our pain, our feeling of hopelessness and loss! To a grieving family, those can seem like empty words, but it's what helped me through the death of my Grandpa in November.

As I was taking a walk on Tuesday (a whole 'nother story...) the song "I Am" by Mark Schultz came on. (You can youtube that one...it's there...) Here are the lyrics:

"I AM the Maker of the Heavens; I AM the Bright and Morning Star; I AM the Breath of all Creation; Who always was; And is to come.

I AM the One who walked on water; I AM the One who calmed the seas; I AM the Miracles and Wonders; So come and see; And follow Me; You will know

chorus:
I AM the Fount of Living Water; The Risen Son of Man; The Healer of the Broken
And when you cry I AM your Savior and Redeemer; Who bore the sins of man
The Author and Perfecter; Beginning and the End
I AM

I AM the Spirit deep inside you; I AM the Word upon your heart; I AM the One who even knew you; Before your birth; Before you were

chorus

Bridge:
Before the Earth (I AM); The universe (I AM); In every heart (I AM); Oh, where you are (I AM); The Lord of Lords (I AM); The King of Kings (I AM); The Holy Lamb (I AM)
Above all things

chorus:
Yes, I AM Almighty God, your Father; The Risen Son of Man; The Healer of the Broken
And when you cry I AM Your Savior and Redeemer; Who bore the sins of man
The Author and Perfecter; Beginning and the End
I AM"

He is God, and I am not. I have to trust that He knows what he is doing. I may not get it; I may question it; I may even disagree. But He is God, and I am not. He is omniscient, I am not. As my dad would say, "We're like ants looking for food. We find a dead cricket, and think, 'yay! Dinner for a week!' What we fail to see is the cockroach up ahead that would feed us for a month." Gruesome illustration, I know. But do you see the point?

Even with all this bad stuff happening, when I listen to music like I've said above, I know I'm ok. Music is a powerful thing! It has the ability to destroy you and has the ability to bring you up. So turn on some music you enjoy, relax, and KNOW that it's going to be ok!

Blessings!

I Forgot to Mention...

Even though this post will be before the last post, I had to tell you all two things:

1.  I get to go home for Thanksgiving/Mom's birthday!!!!!!!!!!!  You have NO idea how excited I am...54 days and counting!

2.  The headline news today: Police Chase ends in Wetlands.  Go to this website for the full story:  www.juneauempire.com/stories/092608/loc_337188362.shtml

If that website doesn't work, just google Juneau Empire, and it's the first story that comes up.  Basically this guy was driving under the influence, got in a "high-speed" pursuit with police (mind you, high speed is about 40-50 mph) and went through the guardrail into the wetlands.  This is big news!  They shut down the ENTIRE road to downtown for this!  Juneau folks would get a kick out of Southern California...

Anyways, just wanted to throw those things out there!  

Blessings!

It's Coming...

This week has been quite busy, both in good ways and, shall we say, interesting ways...

It started on Saturday.  I woke up to go to work, went to turn on my car, and it wouldn't start.  I didn't think it was the battery because the lights and the radio turned on.  It was just the engine - the most important thing - that wouldn't start.  This was not good.  Bri was already at work, so I couldn't ask her for a ride.  I knocked on Connie's door, and asked if she could give me a ride to work.  I'm SO thankful for my landlords.  As she was taking me to work, I got to thinking how I was going to fix this.  I worked from 8am-4pm and then from 12am to 8am, which means I had less than eight hours to sleep before my next shift.  How was I going to figure out the car in that amount of time?  While at work, I called Bri and figured out she would get me from work, and she would call her "car" friend and have him come over to look at it when we got home at 4.  4 turned into 6, and he couldn't figure out what was wrong.   Mark (landlord) charged the battery (apparently it was a bit low), but it still wouldn't work.  So Connie offered me her car for the evening so that I could get to work.  I had all day Sunday and almost all day Monday to figure out what to do.  Problem is, when your car doesn't work, it adds a lot of stress to everyday life, so you don't get a whole lot of sleep.

We went to dinner at the Harris' house on Sunday, and I mentioned that my car was broken.  So Uncle Willie said he would come over Monday to look at it.  He came over, but by that time, I had left for work - just missed him!  So Tuesday (my day off) he came over and said it was the battery.  I don't know why folks don't listen to me when I say it's not the battery - that the lights and radio work, so it can't be the battery.  Anyways, he took the battery back to his house, charged it fully, came back and installed it again, and the car didn't turn on (surprise!).  He was about ready to give up too, when he noticed a button down by the pedals in the car.  He pushed the button, and the car started right up!  Apparently, it's a reset button.  Since then, the car has worked, but I freak out every time I go somewhere because I'm afraid it won't start and I'll be stranded somewhere...haha!

Work continues to be an adventure.  We have nine kids right now, and one of them is the biggest handful I've had in a while.  There is no controlling this kid or his mouth.  He is one to speak/act before he thinks, which gets him into a lot of trouble.  But the kid refuses to take responsibility for anything.  It's all I can do to stay calm and collected around him.  I've done pretty well so far, and he leaves on Tuesday, so hopefully I'll be fine until then.  It's amazing how much patience one kid can take.  

I still haven't gone shopping yet - it's on my list of things to do very soon because....

WINTER IS COMING!!!

I'm scared, oh so scared.  The tourist season officially ends tomorrow, so all the downtown shops are closing for the winter.  Some stay open, but the majority of them close.  Downtown becomes a bit of a ghost town during the winter.  I went on a walk on Wednesday.  It was simply amazing.  It was one of seven sunny days we've had all summer, and it was beautiful.  As I walked around the lake and by the river, I saw the mountains through the clouds.  Up at the very top was fresh snow - DunDunDun!  When the snow comes for the first time on Thunder Mountain, it means there's about one month before snow in Juneau.  That puts us at Halloween-ish time.  It's going to be vastly different from the Halloween's at home when you're outside all night at about 70 degrees!  But the walk was beautiful - here are some pictures:

As I was walking, a song by Paul Stephens came to my mind (Paul Stephens was the student worship leader at APU for about three years - he has an album out - it's pretty good!  Also, his myspace page has a few of his songs - check it out!).  The song is, "No one Like You" and the last part of the song repeats this:

"There is no one like you; no one in heaven or earth, no!

There is no one like you; no one in heaven or earth, no!

There is no power like yours; no power in heaven or earth, no!

There is no power like yours; no power in heaven or earth no!

There is no King like ours; no King in heaven or earth, no!

There is no King like ours; no King in heaven or earth, no!"

Simply a beautiful song, with so much truth to it.  It's easy for me to see God in creation here.  Juneau is truly one of His masterpieces.  But at the same time, there is still so much sadness and loss here.  I'm sure people who actually look at me on my walks laugh at me because I always have this goofy grin on my face - the joy of the Lord fills me!  I hope you get a chance to see Juneau in your lifetime - you too will be amazed!

Hope you are all doing well!  I miss you so much!  Love you!

Blessings!

It's flooding, and this blog is stuck...

It's been a while...that's always my excuse.  Sometimes I just forget to update the blog.  But mostly, it's because nothing really exciting happens.  Seriously.  My nights are spent at work, and my days are spent sleeping.  Not a really exciting existence right now...But here are a few stories...

It's raining a lot here.  And by a lot, I mean it's actually flooding.  And by flooding, I mean you can hydroplane on the roads up here right now.  I know this...I've done it.  I love it though.  It's getting cold, folks are getting ready for winter, and I still have no clue what I'm doing in Juneau.  More on this later...

A few nights ago at work, a kid (not one of ours, and one too old to stay at CS) came in with a really messed up face.  He was mad and hurt and cussing left and right.  He said he was a friend of one of the TLP kids and that he was at a convenience store next to CS when two girls in a car started honking at him.  So he got in his car, and started to drive away.  The girls followed him, and kept tapping his bumper and going in front of him and slamming on the breaks.  So he got out of the car and asked them what their problem was.  One girl came at him from the front, the other from the back and beat him up.  Aparently the girl in the back had a rock in her hand and slammed it in his face.  When he got to me, his jaw was swollen, he had the start of a black eye, his lip was split, and his tooth was barely hanging on.  I gave the best first aid I could, but the kid really needed to see a doctor.  I encouraged him to call JPD and go to the hospital, but he insisted that he had no money and that he couldn't pay for the hospital visit.  I assured him that that wasn't what he needed to worry about.  He wouldn't take pain meds because "they thin my blood".  So he left with an ice pack on his face and a few bandaids on his hands.  Two hours later, he shows back up and says he can't sleep because of the pain.  I told him he needed to call the police.  Finally, he called, and they sent a fire truck, ambulance, and police officer (thank goodness my kids slept through the whole ordeal!!!).  He didn't go with the paramedics ("I can't pay") and made a report, and left.  That was a fun night...

I went over to a friend's house tonight for dinner, and met two more people!  Crystal (my friend) called and said she was making dinner for some people and wanted me to come.  So I went over there to see Ralph, who I actually met on Friday at the Gathering.  (Side note about Ralph...he is the brother of one of the original piranha's!)  Nice guy...And then I met Amy.  She's really fun - spunky, and enjoys having a fun time.  So we had dinner and played Apples to Apples.  So fun!  Ralph left early because he's staying at the end of the road.  Get this: he parks his car and then walks 2.1 miles to the camp he worked at all summer!  Um, PS, it's dark.  Not fun.  Anyways, Amy, Crystal and I stayed and talked for a while.  They're both coming over to my house on Tuesday and we're going to go "winter shopping" to get boots and warm winter stuff.  So good!  At least then I'll be a little more prepared, yeah?

On my way home from Crystal's, I saw a young black bear run across the road.  I was not to happy about that.  Connie (landlord) told me yesterday that there's a few bears around our house that are getting into stuff, growling, and the like because there's no fish in the stream.  So, apparently, bears turn to the garbage, houses, animals, small children for food before hibernation.  Made me real happy.

A few nights ago, Bri and I had her family over for dinner and games.  It's the first time they'd been over here since we got furniture.  How crazy is that?!  It was such a good night.  So much laughter and good food and people.  We're gonna do it again soon.  We did a lot of Grandpa Jim's puzzles - there was laughter, success, failure, frustration and elation.  Too fun!  Here are some pics from that:

So that's my life thus far.  I've gotten about four hours of sleep in the last 36 hours, so I'm going to bed now.  Hopefully I'll sleep for quite some time!  I love you all and miss you!

Blessings!

"When Did My Heart Get so Petrified?"

Graves may not be the best idea for me...I have WAY too much time to think...

So there's this song by Caedmon's Call called "Petrified Heart" that's been on my mind quite a lot lately. The lyrics are really solid - you should listen to the whole thing. But for now, it's the first verse and chorus that are on my mind:

"This old heart's been left
Out on my sleeve
And I have paid as it's been rent
Into pieces
Seems everyone
I've loved has
Taken a bit of my insides
I'm scattered as the woman whose body
Was torn for the twelve tribes

"When did my heart get so petrified
When did it get so hard to feel
When did my heart get so afraid to love
When did it get so hard"

Anyone that knows me knows that I have a hard time letting people into my circle. Sure, I can listen to anyone talk about their innermost whatevers, but when they ask me to do the same, it's hard - I don't like it, and I don't want to do it. Most of the time I don't. Sometimes I go superficial - tell people what's going on in the surface of my life. There are very few people that I'll talk to fully.

Why is it so hard? Why am I so afraid to let people in? And when did all this happen? I can't remember a time when I was not closed off. I remember times when I let a few people in, and trust was broken. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's because I'm afraid to trust, and in turn I am afraid to love and to feel. I feel my heart getting harder and harder towards people because it's too hard to love them and to feel for them because people make mistakes and break trust and disappoint you. But is that any way to live? My head wants me to go for it; my heart won't let me. But hey, don't tell anyone, alright? Wouldn't want to let anyone in my circle...;-)

Work has been insanely crazy. School starts on the 2nd, so the kids are going for their last summer fling before school. Problem is, they keep getting caught and ending up here at Cornerstone. We've had a full house consistently for the past week, and everyone says it's not going to slow down any time soon. While this job is by far the hardest thing I've ever done, and my heart breaks every day I walk into work, I'm finding that I'm good at this. I'm good at working with delinquent kids and kids that have seen more and done more than I know exist. But then I think back to the song. I don't feel when these kids are talking to me. You have to harden yourself to their attitudes and their circumstances and their choices, because if you don't, you won't survive. Don't get me wrong: my heart truly does break for the kids - they have so much crap in their lives that I can't even imagine how they are still functioning. But my game face goes on every time I walk into work. "When did my heart get so petrified? When did it get so hard to feel? When did my heart get so afraid to love? When did it get so hard?"

On a lighter note!

Tuesday I got a very unexpected phone call. Kevin (the set-up guy) called! Slight freak-out moment. He called to see if I wanted to play Frisbee golf. I still hadn't learned how to throw a frisbee, so I gave him fair warning. Long story short, we played, his friends joined us, and I learned to throw a frisbee. He was a great teacher - very patient. I could learn a few things from this guy... I'm not good, but at least the frisbee stays in the course! It was a great afternoon...that's all I'll say about it now.

Hope you are all doing well! I miss you still! Love you too!

Blessings!

Nothing Better to Do...

I've gotten quite a few calls and emails about me not updating the blog...I'm so sorry!  It's not that I haven't had any time to update it - it's that nothing truly exciting has happened since I last posted.  I wish something exciting would have happened.  It's been work and sleep and the Olympics for me.

Speaking of the Olympics, how amazing is Michael Phelps?  I know EVERY girl is in love with the guy, but seriously - eight out of eight golds, seven world records, and one olympic record in a matter of days?  That's a gift if I ever saw one.  And Bryan Clay won the gold in the Decathlon.  It wasn't shown on NBC up here.  Bryan went to APU and comes by every once and a while to talk to the students there.  He's a really nice guy - I've talked to him a couple times.  It's pretty cool to have a gold medalist from the same college I went to.  I was reading my friend Holly's blog, and she captured the amazingness of having a gift and using it.  She talked about people having found what they are good at - the gifts God has given them - and then using those gifts to the best of their abilities.  Like, eight for eight golds?  Then Holly gave a challenge that I wonder about myself: "I want people to look at me and say, 'Wow.  She found her element.'"  Will I be in my element and be worthy of a gold at the end of the day?  I don't know.

Life in Alaska.  Like I said, there's not really a whole lot to report on.  There are changes coming in work, but I don't know what they are yet.  Pray for wisdom there...It's raining a lot, and I love every minute.  I've gone out and gotten soaked a few times...Oh, and I found a great coffee shop and a great place to get a homemade milkshake - so good!  This could be dangerous...

I finally met the guy that my landlords wanted to set me up with - Kevin.  Super nice guy.  Very kind, gentle, and tall!  I had dinner with him, his dad, his sister, brother-in-law, nephew, and my landlords.  We didn't really get to talk a whole lot, but it was a fun night anyway.  Connie, my landlord, gave him my phone number, so we'll see what happens.  I'm not expecting anything, but we'll see.

That's about all my adventures.  Hopefully I can do some more crazy fun things soon.  Thanks for your prayers and thoughts!  I love every comment, email, and phone call!

Miss you and love you!

Blessings!

Thoughts During Grave Shift

I have a lot of time to think when I work weekend graves here at Cornerstone. So many questions pop in my mind: are there bears right outside my door? Are the kids in their rooms or sneaking out? Did the clock stop or is it really still 1:45 am? Why can't I go outside and play in the rain? Do people really read these blogs? Am I really so exciting that four different guys want to pursue me? What is going to keep me busy for the next six hours? Should I sleep tomorrow or watch the Olympics? After all, they're only on every four years. Am I loosing my mind?

Forgive me if this blog is a bit scattered...I'm trying really hard just to keep my eyes open...

My main purpose for this blog is this: I've been reading the "Mark of the Lion" series by Francine Rivers for the seventh or eighth time. (Side note. If you haven't read these books, borrow or buy them and read them. Seriously. They'll change your life - quite possibly some of the best books I have ever read in my life.) In the first book, there is this quote: "Jesus forgave the thief, but he didn't take him down off the cross." I never caught the significance of that statement until I read the book this time. I read it about two weeks ago, and I am still mulling over it. I am not even sure what I want to write here - still so many thoughts regarding it.

I looked up the verses where the thief and Jesus had this interaction. It's in Luke 23.42-43. Basically, one thief is insulting Jesus, while the other says, "Shut up! This guy has done nothing wrong, unlike SOMEONE else I know" (courtesy Laurie paraphrasing). Then the second thief asks Jesus to remember him. Jesus responds by saying, "I tell you the truth, today you WILL be with me in paradise". (That's not Laurie paraphrasing...that's the real deal.) The way I see it, Jesus had two choices. One, he could have said, "Yay! You finally got it! Go ahead and get down off that cross - you don't have to die today. Go tell everyone the truth about me." Instead, he chose option two - let the natural consequences play out, but all the while reassuring the thief about where he stands. At that moment in the thief's life, the thief realized the consequences of the choices he made. He asked for forgiveness, and was granted it. He didn't ask to be taken off the cross. It's as if he accepted the consequences. Maybe I'm way off...

(In case you were wondering, the kids are all sleeping in their beds...no problems so far.)

After thinking about that, I started thinking about the kids at work. They miss this concept! Well, they miss a lot more, but this can be said of normal everyday happenings. I see it a lot with these kids. Or rather, I see them almost to the point of the thief. They ask forgiveness for the stupid things they do (and trust me - they do A LOT of stupid things...) from all the staff, from JPD, from their probation officers, etc. Sometimes, these people do "forgive" the kids - they give them another chance - they take them off the cross. The majority of the time, however, we let the natural consequences occur. We may forgive them, but we leave them hanging on the cross. It sounds so cruel. But sometimes the best way to help the kids is to let them hurt; let them go to jail; let them be sick because the drug they took is making their system go haywire. Again, I may be way off base...

When I look at my own life, I see the many many times I have begged for forgiveness - from parents, friends, family, God - and they have graciously given it to me. But I am still left hanging on my cross - the one I put myself on. "Jesus forgave the thief, but he didn't take him down off the cross." It's what we as humans want. We want a life free of the pain we bring on ourselves. But sometimes God doesn't work that way. At least not in my life. Does he forgive us? Absolutely. Does he still love us? Unconditionally. Does he hurt with us? I think he does. Remember - the thieves weren't the only ones on the cross...

Again, maybe I am so far off - it is 2:45 am now. I'd like to hear your thoughts.

I miss you all still! Hope you are doing great! Love you!

Blessings!

Pain, Jail, Piranhas and Sun

I thought I was going to post this last night, but alas, I didn't get a chance to do it before my eyes shut down. So here it is!

Let's go one by one...

PAIN. On Sunday, I decided to take a walk - nothing out of the ordinary. I got to talking with Christy on the phone and lost track of where I was going. I ended up at Blockbuster (it's about five miles away from my house...which means it's five miles back to my house...). As I was walking back, my foot started to hurt. I couldn't figure out why in the world my foot was hurting. Then I remembered what happened in February. In Feb, I went to the doctor because my foot was hurting and he said that I had tendonitis in my foot. I was supposed to rest it for a while - no hikes, long walks, etc. I was doing real well until I moved to Juneau...Guess I won't be going on any long walks for a while...what else could I do?

JAIL. Work is getting exciting again. Many of you have heard that my schedule is insane at work - hopefully that's changing this week. I started working grave shifts, and I love it! That has nothing to do with jail, but I thought I'd throw that in. We now have eight kids in the house. They're all pills - ha! We have a couple that are fairly good kids and it's exciting to encourage them to continue making good decisions and such. On Monday, one of our kids snapped. One of his peers accidentally bumped him with the broom during chores, and it set him off. He grabbed one of the table chairs and threw it at a staff member and stormed outside yelling, "I'm going to #*$& kill him! I'm going to get a &#^! kitchen knife and *$(^ put it in his *&^$ chest!" He was a bit upset. My boss went outside with him and talked with him. My boss decided that he needed to have a cool-down time at JYC (it's the Juvenile Hall here). So off the kid went! To be honest, I'm quite excited he's gone - he was not a fun kid...Sure made for an interesting afternoon!

The night before, I was working grave. I came on shift and there were about five people in the office - not a good sign. Ryan (one of the staff members) says, "I'm going to be next door in case anything happens. Come get me if you need to." I wanted to walk out right then and there. We were getting a little one who was choked by her drunk mom and went to the hospital (we ended up not getting her) and I was the lucky person to tell the drunk mom that her daughter was not coming here and that OCS (it's the same as CPS) would be calling her in the morning. When I got shift change, I heard about the incident that happened to our kid. He handed a note to one of our staff that had a website on it. It was some sort of site about kids who should have died. This kid battles with depression, so we were really worried about him. He wouldn't go to sleep and was acting very strange. I was on suicide watch with him for about three hours until he went to sleep. Anyone want my job???

PIRANHAS. This is a fun story...I'm not going to go into a great deal of detail, but this is a developing story, so you'll get bits and pieces of it. First off, my landlady has taken it upon herself to set me up with a friend of hers named Kevin. I know nothing about this kid other than "you have so much in common: he's tall, he is getting his masters degree, and he was in the Navy!" If someone could show me where we have stuff in common there, it would be greatly appreciated :-) This should be happening next week sometime, so I'll give an update then.

I went to the Gathering on Friday. The Gathering is the young adult ministry at the church I go to. It was such a great night - I finally met some people MY AGE! They do exist, folks. Send up a flare and alert the media! The only thing was that the kids my age were all guys - which is fine, don't get me wrong, but a bit intimidating. I felt like a piece of meat on a hook above a bunch of hungry red-bellied piranha's. They were chatty-chatty and asking me thousands of questions. After the Gathering, we went to Andrew's apartment for pizza and games. I followed a guy named Ray to his house (after we stopped and got pizza). When we got to the apartments, Ray says, "I actually don't know what house is his..." and I reply, "Call him!" He says, "I actually don't have his number..." My jaw dropped. How do people not have phone numbers? It's a common occurrence up here. So Ray decides he's going to knock on doors until he finds Andrew. Mind you, it's about 10 pm by now. Andrew comes out to check for us. Ray says "I didn't know which was yours!" As we walked in, I say "Now would be a good time to exchange numbers..." We go inside and play games and eat pizza. It was a great night - lots of laughs.

The next day I get an email from Andrew saying thanks for coming over and how nice it was to meet me, etc. He then asks a whole bunch of questions. (Oh, he works for JYS too - he actually works at the house my roommate works at.) I email him back and ask some questions of my own. We figure out that we both work grave shift on Sunday, and decided to email back and forth to keep ourselves awake. Little did I know what I was getting myself into...

20 emails later, I had a date, a wannabe boyfriend, a whole lot of clarifying to do, and a few freak-out moments. Like I said before, the guys up here are like piranhas and I'm fresh, new meat. I couldn't believe that someone I had met two nights earlier wanted to date me - I put a stop to that real quick. I told him I'd have to get to know a bit more about him before we order wedding invitations. He's persistent, that's for sure...I said it before: it's a developing story, so more to come later...For now, we are not dating, I do not have a boyfriend, and the date is being postponed...

SUN. Finally - the good part of the week! It's all been great, but this part is really good. Yesterday was one of the most beautiful days I've seen since I've been up here, and of course I didn't take any pictures of it. I went for a bike ride, ran into Bri's and my friend Matt, and he and I went to play frisbee golf. I warned him that I had no idea what frisbee golf was and that I hardly knew how to throw a frisbee. We had a blast. I got stuck in more Devil's Club (my thumb is SO SORE! This section should go back to the pain section of the blog...) and about killed my foot, but it was such a great afternoon in the sun! I think the high was 68 degrees - short and t-shirt weather!

Through it all, I think God is trying to teach me something or somethings. I'm not sure what the lessons are yet. I think it has something to do with patience in letting my body heal, trust in Him - that He knows me, what's best for me, the timing for everything. He is showing me daily that He is in charge, and that life without him in the center is not worth living. My prayer is that I continue to listen and learn. It sure is exciting!

I miss you all terribly! Hope you are doing well! I love you!

Blessings!

So Here's the Story...

My parents were here last week, hence the reason the blogs have been slacking.  We had such a great time!  It was sad to see them go, but here's a run-down of what we did:

I picked them up at the airport (their plane was late...) and came back to the apartment.  Mom loved the color of the apartment while Dad kept saying, "this is cute!  It's good for you!"  I think that means he liked it too...They dropped off their luggage, and I took them to Cornerstone, where I work.  One of the kids greeted me at the door (he knew we were coming) and said, "HI LARRY!"  (Quick side-story.  Two of the kids and I were playing "Hand and Foot" - a card game - a few nights ago and one of them accidentally called me Larry.  They thought it was hilarious, so they started calling me Larry.)  We walk in, and my boss is there to greet us.  So my parents got to meet my boss, some of the kids, and some of my co-workers.  I showed them around, the kids talked to us for a bit, and then we were on our way.  Mom said she thought the place was a bit depressing and dark, I agreed, so I'll have to think of someway to bring up a new paint job or something...

Oh yeah, I forgot one thing.  Before we left for Cornerstone, we went to meet my land lords, and we all got to talking.  Mark gave us some fresh King salmon for dinner, so we looked forward to cooking that.  

We left Cornerstone and drove.  We drove around town, and I showed them where a lot of different things were.  We went to a good view of the glacier, to the mall, showed them Fred Myers, and the like.  We came home for dinner (fresh salmon - yay!).   I made them a seafood pasta dish that I learned how to make at the cooking school Bri works at.  They loved it and have the recipe for any of you that may want it.  I have it too...

We then drovethe 42 miles to the end of the road looking for Eagle beach.  Laurie has only been to Eagle beach once, and didn't really know where she was going.  We missed the turn and drove another 28 miles or so until we figured out she missed the turn...oops!  Dad wanted to get my picture at the end of the road, so we did.  On the way back we saw a black bear cub (my first bear!) along the side of the road.  It didn't like the car, so it ran along the road then up into the trees.   It was cute, but all I could think was that Mama was around somewhere, and I didn't want to be around when she came out.  We drove back into the Valley (where I live) and went to bed. 

The next day we went to Taku Lodge.  Look it up online - it's really cool and has a huge history.  We got on a little tiny float plane, and flew over mountains and glaciers to get to this small little lodge.  It was very cool.  These glaciers were huge!!!  Some were receding, and some were advancing.  Some were 5 miles wide and over 80 miles long!  Pretty incredible.  We landed on the lake (how weird is that?!) and got out and walked up to the lodge.  It is a rustic looking lodge but very homey inside.  We saw a whole bunch of people standing outside by a tree, so we went to see what was up.  Um, there was another baby black bear up there!  Just sitting in the tree like it was a bird.  Again, very cute, but I didn't stay out there long.  There were tons of bugs - I got bit quite a few times.  We went on a hike around the lodge, which was beautiful, but mom and I were afraid the bears would come out, so we quickly did the hike and went back to the safety of the lodge.  We waited for dinner inside by a roaring fire (I'll miss fires in the winter...).  Dinner was fresh king salmon (see a pattern?  Salmon = Alaska), beans, coleslaw, two different kinds of roles, and this apple stuff that was amazing.  We ate SO well that night!  When dinner was done and we took pictures, we went back to the docks to load up on the plane.  We got back to town, stuffed and completely in awe. 

We shopped downtown for a few days, but nothing too thrilling happened there.  Other than the fact that we saw yet another baby black bear...bear number 3 and counting...

We went up the Mt. Roberts tram while they were here too.  That is incredible as well.  You go from sea level to 1,800 feet in about five minutes, and the view was incredible.  We went on a few hikes up there too, and saw bear #4.  He was far away in the snow on the top of the mountain, right where we ended up on our hike, but we did get to see him for a bit.  Here's a funny story (it's even more funny when mom tells it).  We went on a long hike to try to find this cross that some pastor took up the mountain in the 1800's.  We hike this steep trail, and it ends up on a landing with an incredible view.  There's another trail that connected to the trail we were on, and I was sure that it was the cross trail.  So I leave mom and dad at the landing (with all my stuff) and go in search for this cross.  (Side note: I was hiking in Crocs...not a good idea - keep reading and you'll find out why.)  I follow the trail, and soon it stops because a huge piece of snow/ice is blocking the road.  I don't want to quit now, so I decide to forge on and overcome the snow...in my Crocs.  I get over the first piece of ice and come to two more.  I'm getting tired, and the cross is still no where in sight.  I finally come across some people who are coming down from a flat part of the mountain.  Great, I think to myself, I'm almost there.  I keep going.  I am still not there.  I see more people coming down.  I ask them where the trail leads, and they said to the peak of Mt. Roberts.  Dang.  I'm on the wrong trail.  All that hard work for nothing.  I realize I've been gone for quite some time, and the parents are probably worried...especially since they have all my stuff.  So I turn around and go back down all the ice and snow (in my Crocs) and finally meet up with them.  They're glad I'm alright and say, "don't do that again!"  I told them I hadn't found the cross, and they say they have.  Let's just say I went WAY too far...

We stayed home some and played games, watched movies, and just loved being together.  It was sad to say goodbye, but so good to see them.

Hope you are all doing well!  Love ya!

Blessings!

Pictures for the blog above..

View from the top of Mt. Roberts

Mom and Dad and the float plane

Mom and I on the float plane

The 5-mile wide glacier

Cruise ship leaving

Glacier from the Lodge

Waterfall at Mendenhall Glacier we hiked to 

Mom, Dad, and I climbed over these boulders!

Another huge glacier

The baby bear cub in the tree at the Lodge

4th of July and Beyond...

We finally have internet!  Well, sort of.  We have the capability of internet.  Now we have to get the wireless box.  It's those little details that kill...haha!  Hopefully very soon we can have internet that we can call our own :-)

The fourth of July was crazy.  Living in a small town, you really get the "small town feel" on holidays like this.  There was a parade downtown Juneau that the WHOLE town goes to.  It's really fun, but really crowded.  And, there is one road in and out of downtown.  So, If you can imagine close to 20,000 people downtown at once and then those 20

,000 people wanting to leave at the same time down that one road, it is quite the adventure!  It reminded me of the 10 fwy back home...Here are some pictures from the parade:

They had floats, people walking, riding in mini corvettes, etc.  They had a snow plow that was painted with orcas - it was insane the things they came up with!  Since it is such a small town, the locals on the sidelines watching all knew people in the parade, so the parade would stop so people could talk to each other.  While at the parade, my boss called me into work ea

rly, so I had to leave in the middle of the parade.  I was fine with that - I had been wa

tching it for close to three hours and it still wasn't over.  Time to go...

I went into work at about 1:45 and found there were only two kids there.  It was fantastic!  One of them went with one staff to see the Hulk in the movie theater and the other one and I played Hand and Foot for seven hours!  It was a great way to spend the afternoon, as far as I was concerned.  I left work and went over to the Harris house for the 4th of July party.

This party was crazy!  There were tons of people there, and tons of food and games.  They smoked/roasted a pig (yes, the WH

OLE thing - we named him Pork Chop) all day, and it was so tasty!  We played Beer Factor: you know the show Fear Factor?  Beer Factor is like Fear Factor, only you have to complete all these tasks with a cup of beer in your hand.  The object of the game is to comple

te the tasks the fastest and have the most beer in your cup by the end.  It was quite hilarious...Then we watched the fireworks that were put on by Willie (the dad in the Harris family).  He set the fireworks off on the beach, and it was pretty cool.  They were a bit close for my liking, but it was pretty cool none-the-less.  I left shortly after, as I had to work at 8 the next morning. 

I did my first grave shift (12 midnight to 8AM) on Sunday.  Let me tell you, if ever you want to mess with your mind, try going to sleep around 4 in the afternoon and then stay awake from midnight to 8AM - it's trippy!  Nothing happened at work, for which I was truly thankful.  

My last adventure is kinda two days in one.  In reality, they happened before everything in this blog, but I chose to put it at the end.  I don't know why...I just did.  Last week at work, Kwame (my supervisor) and I took three of the kids to play handball with one of those blue rubber balls at the middle school in town.  While playing (and these kids are hardcore - they play real hard) I dropped the ball.  When you drop the ball, you have to run and tag the wall before someone else throws the ball at the wall and hits it.  So I'm running, and all of a sudden feel this sting on my back.  One of the boys completely missed the wall and smacked me in the back with the blue rubber ball.  I could hardly 

move my arms and back!   I had a nice welt on my back for a couple days.  He apologized and we laughed about it for days.  The next day was my day off, so Bri, Tinea (Bri's cousin) and I went geo-caching.  

We couldn't find the first one, but we couldn't give up.  We went looking for the second one in the forest.  One thing about geo-cache's in Juneau is that they're all hidden in the forest!  So we're hacking our way through the forest, stepping in mud piles, climbing over fallen trees, trying to avoid Devil's Club (this prickly plant that if you touch, the thorns get stuck in your skin and your body has to expel them - you can't pick the thorns out) and such.  Oh, did I mention that I was doing this in flip flops?  Dumb idea #1!  And did I mention that I tripped in a hole in the ground and broke (or really badly bruised) a toe?  Dumb idea #2!  After doing this for about 30 minutes,  we find a red box - the geo-cache!  IT was pretty exciting!  I did get Devil's Club in my foot, and I am still waiting for it to come out.  But overall, it was such a cool adventure - we can't wait to do another one!

That's about all in the Great White North!  I hope you're all doing well!  Know I miss you all and love you!

Blessings!

Where, oh Where, has my INTERNET GONE?!?!

So this week I lost almost all connection with the outside world. Rule number 1 - get your own internet! Don't depend on someone else's connection - it will fail you! That was the most frustrating thing to wake up to one morning last week. So I am sorry if I have not responded to emails - I haven't gotten them!

There is good news though! The internet people are coming to our apt on July 7 to install internet! One more week of no internet, and then I'll be saved! Yay!

Other than that, it has been a pretty good week. I still miss home, but overall it has been good. Here are a couple funny stories from work:

One: A few nights ago, I found our boys sitting on the window sills of their rooms talking. This is not allowed - it is considered AWOL (it was about 10:45 - way past bedtime). I told them that they needed to go in their rooms and go to sleep. I check on them about five minutes later, and they're out again! I said, "This is your last chance. I've been lenient, and now you're abusing that." I left and came back five minutes later and they were out again! (I know, dumb, right?!) So I said, "You (can't say his name) are out in the rec room tonight. Come on - bring your bedding." He fought me the whole way out, and the guy he was talking to poked his head out the door and said, "You've got to be @*#& kidding me! Give us one more chance - we'll go to bed!" Me, being the stubborn person I am, said no. So the second kid said, "You are officially off the cool-staff list and on the uncool-staff list! I hope you're happy!" and slams the door. I had to bite my tongue. In a way, I graduated! I'm holding my ground, following through, even though I still have no idea what I'm doing. It was great!

Second story is not really funny, but a good story. One of the kdis here is one that I can hardly stand - he's the one who does not respect me, who is so rude, and defiant, that I go in the office and say, "I'm not working with him anymore - I can't handle him." Tonight, I was left alone with him. We actually had a great conversation! We talked about how he is having his treatment team meeting tomorrow. He doesn't think he needs long-term treatment (that's what he's heading for) and he wanted to build a case of why he should go to a 45-day program instead of a 6-12 month program. So I got to process through the pro's and con's of each, helped him understand the process of a treatment team meeting, and talked about his hope for the outcome. We also talked about what he would do if it didn't go his way and how he would respond. We also talked about his family and how his relationship with his mom has caused him to be the way he is and some of the anger built up there. It was a fantastic talk. When the rest of the kids came back, there was a change in the kid - our relationship had changed. Even my other staff member said something was different. It was so cool! Yay - finally something good in this job!

We are slowly getting our apartment put together - pictures on the wall, real furniture, dishes, etc. I've truly realized how much I hate moving and decorating. My roommate, bless her heart, is so into the apartment, and I feel so bad that I'm not. I've pretty much given her free reign and just tell her when I don't like something. I can only handle so much at a time...

I don't have any crazy adventure stories for now. Maybe on my days off...

I have missed the internet! It's so good to write to all you who read this (I don't think many do, but those of you who do, thanks!). I hope all is well at home! I miss you all and love you very much!

Blessings!

Sleeping is NOT overrated...

I've had the last two days off, and I have pretty much slept through the whole two days.  I don't know if it is because I am still adjusting to the goofy hours that I work, or if it is because I am still adjusting to living here, if it is because I don't have a whole lot of things to do when I'm working, or if it is because I am truly that tired.  Yesterday, I had a training on how to distribute medication (longest 45 minutes of my life) and then went back to bed until 2 in the afternoon!  Glorious!  Today I pretty much slept from 12:30 pm till 6pm.  Sleeping tonight should be interesting...

I went on a 4-hour hike with my landlord this week up to the glacier.  It was beautiful.  The trail was in the forest for the most part, so it was very green, very cold, and very buggy.  We decided to go "off-roading" (aka off the trail) and got to the lake.  It was crazy to see so many icebergs in the lake!  She started telling me about the resident wolf, Romeo, who lives in that area.  Romeo is a lone wolf (which is very unusual), so when people bring their dogs, Romeo comes out to play.  However, when people bring their yip-yap dogs, Romeo likes to take them away for a snack.  We didn't get to see Romeo, but we saw animal trails (I kept telling myself they were Romeo's and not the probable bear trail).  There were parts of the hike we were climbing straight up and down, climbing on the side of rocks to not fall into the lake, and sliding down the mountain on our bums getting filthy dirty.  So much fun!  I was sore and so tired after - more nap time!

Work continues to be a challenge, but I think it is getting a little bit better.  When I left on Tuesday, we had six kids, and three of them are leaving by the end of the week.  However, when I went in for staff meeting today, we had three new kids show up.  I guess it's just going to be a continual thing - no rest for the weary!  I am thinking about moving to a different house that has a lot more structure.  At the new house, the kids know that if they mess up, they will go to jail for a very long time, so they are more likely to comply with staff.  So I'm going to be picking up some shifts when I can and just check out the house, so I'll see.  Who knows?  

I love the emails and love the phone calls - keep them up!  I live off them!  I still miss you all and love you!

Blessings!

I Still Miss You!

Two days off...It was wonderful.  I relaxed, didn't worry about the kids at work, caught up on some emails (still a ton to go - thanks to all who have written - I will write you back!), caught up on phone calls, and found I was missing home all the more.

A friend emailed me this week and said that she understood the struggle with moving away from home.  She said that the hardest time

s for her was when she knew what the people at home were doing at that moment.  I can totally relate.  I called my house on Father's day, and just wanted to be there.  I wanted to be with the people that love me; with the people I could hug without them thinking I was some sort of psycho; to just be in the same room as the people I love and I know. 

It's the love that I miss.  I sit here crying (I know - me cry?  It's alright - I'll be fine;-) ) as I write this and just picture the faces of the people I know and love: Mom, Dad, Lin and Kev, The Grandparents, the Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, best friend, my church family, my Engstrom family, and the countless others.  Know you are al

l so close to my heart, and that I love you all.  I miss your beautiful faces and your loving smiles.  I miss your hugs!  I long for a familiar face - a loving face.  The parents are coming soon - I can't wait for that!

God is still good though.  The Psalms are great to read when I feel like this - the authors were able to get those thoughts down on paper so eloquently - so perfectly.  I am thankful to be here and thankful for the struggles and the challenges I go through daily.  I am learning to trust more and more.  I am learning to live - learning to feel, and that is a good thing!  

It is so beautiful up here.  I went on a really long walk today and was amazed by 

God's craftsmanship.  No one can compare!  Though I may not thank Him enough for the beautiful sunsets, the countless animals, the green trees and plants everywhere, He is faithful.  And that is the best kind of love.  I know I can count on Him and trust Him.  My God is GREAT!

I love you all and look forward to all your emails!  

Blessings!

Can You Feel the Love Tonight?

It has been a rough, eventful week!  But I'm still smiling - God is still good!

I have realized many things this week.  I have realized I like working with a few troubled kids instead of ten at once.  I have realized I love structure, and that it is very hard to live and work in a place without structure.  I have learned that trying to reason with a kid that has Oppositional Defiant Disorder is like talking physics to a brick wall.  I have learned that sitting in your car at 12:30 in the morning shaking is a great workout (more on that later).  I have learned that bears like trash cans and compost piles, but are still respecting me enough to not show up when I'm around.  I have learned that when your car horn randomly goes off at 2 in the morning, you should pop the hood and disconnect the battery and leave it until the morning.  I have learned that LOVE is an important and vital part of living - when it's not there, it's really hard to function.

Cornerstone needs prayer.  The kids that are living there now have so much to learn about life, respect, and love - I don't know how it will be possible.  Maybe for some of them, it won't be possible for them to live a normal life.  My part is setting a good example for them, setting some limits, and being available to them when they need someone.  It is really hard to grasp the fact that my staff and I are the ONLY people in the world who care enough for these kids to help them.  We have a 12 year old in right now whose mom dropped him off and said, "I can't deal with him.  You keep him for three days - I'll be back Monday to see how he's doing."  The poor kid was scared to death!  I took him under my wing, and he asked me so many questions about what was going to happen to him.  Most of the kids at cornerstone are between 14 and 17 and they have multiple charges (misdemeanors and felony) and have the mouth of an outhouse.  This poor 12 year old is being corrupted, I just know it.  But we made dinner and brownies for the kids, and have good conversations.  Sadly, I can see how much influence the older kids have on him.  Hopefully he won't be too heavily influenced.

Like I said in an earlier blog, my first day was last Thursday, and since, I have worked and learned tons of valuable information.  But I still don't feel comfortable by myself and doing my job fully - I don't feel like I have the support or knowledge to deal properly with the kids.  I still divert many of the questions to my other staff.  The kids push every limit and every button known to man.  I'm on edge for eight hours straight, and it's hard to put it from my mind.  So when I get off work, I go to my car and shake and sweat until I can drive.  It's funny.  I play it off really well while I'm at work - my fight system is working well!  But when I get to the end of the day, my body says, "Enough!!!  You're done!"  It's a good workout! :-)

Funny story.  Last night, I got back from work last night and woke up my roommate.  She and I were sitting on her bed talking, and I hear a car horn go off.  I look out my window, and my car horn decided it would be good to spaz out at 1:30 in the morning.  I run down to the car, but I have no clue what to do.  I'm pushing every button I can find, turn on the car, turn off the car, drive the car on the driveway, etc. and nothing is working!  My roommate calls a friend and he says to disconnect the battery.  Great idea!  Problem is I can't find the hood opener!  I'm searching for the hood opener, looking in the manuel and finally find it.  I push the button, it unlocks, but it won't open.  I'm laughing and feeling so bad for the neighbors at this point.  I try to find the hook under the hood that opens the hood, and finally find it, cutting my fingers in the process.  Great - the hood is open!  Now what?  I try to unscrew the negative side of the battery, and it's not budging.  I run upstairs to the apartment to find a wrench, and notice that it is 2 in the morning - the horn has been going nonstop for 1/2 hour!  I run down, and try to unscrew the battery.  I succeed, and then drop the screw.  I can't find it - it's dark (side note here - it gets dark dark in Alaska around 1:45-2:45 in the morning.  Good to know...).  The horn has stopped (yay!) but the cable is still connected to the battery.  If the car moves, the horn goes off again.  The hood is open, the driver and passenger side door is open, the gas door is open (like I said, I pushed every button) and the trunk is open.  So I grab the cable from the battery to pull it off completely.  I start pulling, the horn starts going off again, and then the alarm system starts going off!  (It's really loud, by the way).  I finally get everything disconnected, and all is quiet.  So funny!

This morning, I came down to apologize to my landlords for the noise last night, and they said they didn't hear a thing - not sure how that's possible, but I was thankful!  So Mark (landlord) and Darren (Mark's son) fixed my car this morning - I'm so thankful for them!  

I continue to love the beauty here.  There are tulips everywhere here - simply amazing.  

Thank you for sending me emails and calling me - I will work to respond to them all.  Keep them coming - I love hearing about what's going on back home!  I love you and miss you!

Blessings!