It's been a tough week at work. One of my girls and I are not getting along much at all. I can't seem to win with her! I try and try, but it's just no good. Sunday night's journal (the girls have to write a journal each night processing through their day. The journals are a "safe" place for them to express themselves explicitly - they can swear and write whatever they're thinking) had a few choice words for me bringing up all the things she hates about me. I consider myself a pretty strong person, but when I go to work each day and get the evil eye, muttering under the breath, and the hate journals, it gets to wear on me. It hurts! I can't pretend that I don't have feelings - I do. But the girls don't remember this - they don't remember that we're human as well. We do make mistakes! We do have feelings! We have bad days too! It's a lot to live up to.
I haven't been able to talk to many people back home this past week either because I've been sick and trying to sleep it off and get my voice back (good news - it's back!). Not talking to friends is REALLY hard, especially when your week is not so good. I miss them! I miss my family! I need a hug...
I'm reading the book Captivating right now. It's a book about looking into the heart of a woman. I've been journaling throughout the book, and trust me, I've learned a lot! Even when it's hard to admit, I have been accepting this for the past week: I want to be beautiful! I want to be someone who shines. I want to show people love. I want to be enough for the folks I come into contact with. I want someone to tell me, "you are beautiful. I think you are beautiful." Sounds selfish...but it's especially true when I've had a week like the one I just had. I don't feel beautiful. I don't feel like I'm enough. I don't feel like I'm shining. Sometimes, I just need to be reminded of it.
So if you're bored, send me an email or give me a call! I have a voice now, so I can actually talk! I may cough in your ear, but I have a voice!
I love you all!
Blessings!
3 comments:
I have no voice either, but I definitely think that you are beautiful. And I'm not just saying that! I love you!
Hi there gorgeous! My development teacher from last semester said that teenagers are insensitive, selfish, and they will hate your guts half the time, but they come back when they're 22. ^_^ Now they may be pills, but you are making a difference in their lives. You are being a light. And you are right where God needs you to be. Of that I have no doubt. It may take years, but one day they will recognize all you've done for them. Remember what the book says, find your beauty and your self-worth in the knowledge that you are His child and He DELIGHTS in YOU! Love you forever and ever to the moon and back!
The "c" is opening up! Keep it open! Your girls must value you if they are choosing to write about you. At least they are noticing that you care enough to make them angry =} If that makes any sense. Keep looking up for your strength, as you already know.
Sorry I wasn't available for your calls, and by the way - YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL - I thought so from the first moment I held you. So get ready, don't tense up, here's a cyber hug l-----l.
Love You So Very Much! >^^<
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