Music

I'm predicting that this blog will be very scattered. A lot has happened since I last posted, but not much to me. But thoughts are all over the place...I'll try to keep it as organized as possible.

I got out of work on Thursday morning at about 11 am. When you turn out of the parking lot at Cornerstone, you get a pretty cool view of Thunder Mountain. What was so cool about Thursday was this: Early Thursday morning, it was pouring down rain here, and about 35 degrees outside. So at 11 am the next morning, Thunder Mountain was COVERED in snow. I was so mad I didn't have my camera with me - it was so pretty! As I continued on home, I saw Mt. McGuiness and the other mountain next to it that were also covered in snow. The snow line is quite low...They're saying there's the possibility of snow in the next week. It's definitely cold enough! We'll see...I'm still not ready. Although, I did finally get a coat. It's super warm - I love it!

It's amazing to me how much music can influence a mood. Random, I know, but let me explain. Every night when I come into work, I turn on "piano" music. All night long, I listen to beautiful pieces of music. It's quiet and soothing and comforting to me. It's not fun being the only adult in charge of seven kids at night. After all, there are bears outside, and they'll eat you if you're not careful...

Then there's fun music. My new "favorite" country song is called "Love Story" by Taylor Swift. Hear me out. I'm not a fan of Taylor Swift. But this song is stinkin' cute! Youtube it...It's a song that makes me smile and gets stuck in my head at the most random times.

At church tonight, we sang "How Great You Are" or something like that. It's the song "How Great Thou Art" but more contemporary. Simply a beautiful song. I can't find it anywhere...sorry, you can't youtube that one. I wish you could hear it. It brings a smile to my face as I remember how truly great my God is. My soul sings! It's a song that has brought me comfort when I am homesick, when lousy things happen, etc. God is still great. I also realized at church tonight that one of my favorite sounds is the sound of people singing praises to God together. I'm sure I look like an idiot with my huge grin every time we all sing. I love it! Even if the person next to me is singing way off key, they are still praising the same God I am, and that is beautiful. I think it's a glimpse of heaven.

This week, I was bombarded with bad news. My car is still not working, although it is going in the shop either tomorrow or Sunday. A close college friend of mine woke up one morning to find her car was stolen (Between the two of us, we have some BAD car troubles!) Then the storm hit:

Our old pastor at my home church passed away a couple weeks ago. He was a dear man and will be missed. It came as quite a shock to me, and it makes me sad that I can't be at home right now. Then, I got news this week that a friend of mine passed away. If you live in Riverside and get the Press, there was an article about Steve W. In high school, I was involved in RYT, a theater group in Riverside. Debbie W was the director of RYT, and her husband Steve ran lights, sound, music, all of that. I was involved for about three years wit RYT, and became good friends with the W's. They went on a cruise in September, and Steve got sick about three days later. It was some sort of bacterial infection that wouldn't let up. Finally, Debbie decided to take Steve off life support, and he died shortly after. Their son is 17 and daughter is 12. It was devastating to me. I know what it's like to loose someone close to you, and it's not fun. I can't imagine loosing my dad at this age, let alone when I was 12 or 17. Be in prayers for the W family and the Anibal family.

Even with these deaths, God is still good. He is still in control. He will take care of these families. It will be hard, it's not going to be fun, but God is God. He's bigger than our sadness, our pain, our feeling of hopelessness and loss! To a grieving family, those can seem like empty words, but it's what helped me through the death of my Grandpa in November.

As I was taking a walk on Tuesday (a whole 'nother story...) the song "I Am" by Mark Schultz came on. (You can youtube that one...it's there...) Here are the lyrics:

"I AM the Maker of the Heavens; I AM the Bright and Morning Star; I AM the Breath of all Creation; Who always was; And is to come.

I AM the One who walked on water; I AM the One who calmed the seas; I AM the Miracles and Wonders; So come and see; And follow Me; You will know

chorus:
I AM the Fount of Living Water; The Risen Son of Man; The Healer of the Broken
And when you cry I AM your Savior and Redeemer; Who bore the sins of man
The Author and Perfecter; Beginning and the End
I AM

I AM the Spirit deep inside you; I AM the Word upon your heart; I AM the One who even knew you; Before your birth; Before you were

chorus

Bridge:
Before the Earth (I AM); The universe (I AM); In every heart (I AM); Oh, where you are (I AM); The Lord of Lords (I AM); The King of Kings (I AM); The Holy Lamb (I AM)
Above all things

chorus:
Yes, I AM Almighty God, your Father; The Risen Son of Man; The Healer of the Broken
And when you cry I AM Your Savior and Redeemer; Who bore the sins of man
The Author and Perfecter; Beginning and the End
I AM"

He is God, and I am not. I have to trust that He knows what he is doing. I may not get it; I may question it; I may even disagree. But He is God, and I am not. He is omniscient, I am not. As my dad would say, "We're like ants looking for food. We find a dead cricket, and think, 'yay! Dinner for a week!' What we fail to see is the cockroach up ahead that would feed us for a month." Gruesome illustration, I know. But do you see the point?

Even with all this bad stuff happening, when I listen to music like I've said above, I know I'm ok. Music is a powerful thing! It has the ability to destroy you and has the ability to bring you up. So turn on some music you enjoy, relax, and KNOW that it's going to be ok!

Blessings!

I Forgot to Mention...

Even though this post will be before the last post, I had to tell you all two things:

1.  I get to go home for Thanksgiving/Mom's birthday!!!!!!!!!!!  You have NO idea how excited I am...54 days and counting!

2.  The headline news today: Police Chase ends in Wetlands.  Go to this website for the full story:  www.juneauempire.com/stories/092608/loc_337188362.shtml

If that website doesn't work, just google Juneau Empire, and it's the first story that comes up.  Basically this guy was driving under the influence, got in a "high-speed" pursuit with police (mind you, high speed is about 40-50 mph) and went through the guardrail into the wetlands.  This is big news!  They shut down the ENTIRE road to downtown for this!  Juneau folks would get a kick out of Southern California...

Anyways, just wanted to throw those things out there!  

Blessings!

It's Coming...

This week has been quite busy, both in good ways and, shall we say, interesting ways...

It started on Saturday.  I woke up to go to work, went to turn on my car, and it wouldn't start.  I didn't think it was the battery because the lights and the radio turned on.  It was just the engine - the most important thing - that wouldn't start.  This was not good.  Bri was already at work, so I couldn't ask her for a ride.  I knocked on Connie's door, and asked if she could give me a ride to work.  I'm SO thankful for my landlords.  As she was taking me to work, I got to thinking how I was going to fix this.  I worked from 8am-4pm and then from 12am to 8am, which means I had less than eight hours to sleep before my next shift.  How was I going to figure out the car in that amount of time?  While at work, I called Bri and figured out she would get me from work, and she would call her "car" friend and have him come over to look at it when we got home at 4.  4 turned into 6, and he couldn't figure out what was wrong.   Mark (landlord) charged the battery (apparently it was a bit low), but it still wouldn't work.  So Connie offered me her car for the evening so that I could get to work.  I had all day Sunday and almost all day Monday to figure out what to do.  Problem is, when your car doesn't work, it adds a lot of stress to everyday life, so you don't get a whole lot of sleep.

We went to dinner at the Harris' house on Sunday, and I mentioned that my car was broken.  So Uncle Willie said he would come over Monday to look at it.  He came over, but by that time, I had left for work - just missed him!  So Tuesday (my day off) he came over and said it was the battery.  I don't know why folks don't listen to me when I say it's not the battery - that the lights and radio work, so it can't be the battery.  Anyways, he took the battery back to his house, charged it fully, came back and installed it again, and the car didn't turn on (surprise!).  He was about ready to give up too, when he noticed a button down by the pedals in the car.  He pushed the button, and the car started right up!  Apparently, it's a reset button.  Since then, the car has worked, but I freak out every time I go somewhere because I'm afraid it won't start and I'll be stranded somewhere...haha!

Work continues to be an adventure.  We have nine kids right now, and one of them is the biggest handful I've had in a while.  There is no controlling this kid or his mouth.  He is one to speak/act before he thinks, which gets him into a lot of trouble.  But the kid refuses to take responsibility for anything.  It's all I can do to stay calm and collected around him.  I've done pretty well so far, and he leaves on Tuesday, so hopefully I'll be fine until then.  It's amazing how much patience one kid can take.  

I still haven't gone shopping yet - it's on my list of things to do very soon because....

WINTER IS COMING!!!

I'm scared, oh so scared.  The tourist season officially ends tomorrow, so all the downtown shops are closing for the winter.  Some stay open, but the majority of them close.  Downtown becomes a bit of a ghost town during the winter.  I went on a walk on Wednesday.  It was simply amazing.  It was one of seven sunny days we've had all summer, and it was beautiful.  As I walked around the lake and by the river, I saw the mountains through the clouds.  Up at the very top was fresh snow - DunDunDun!  When the snow comes for the first time on Thunder Mountain, it means there's about one month before snow in Juneau.  That puts us at Halloween-ish time.  It's going to be vastly different from the Halloween's at home when you're outside all night at about 70 degrees!  But the walk was beautiful - here are some pictures:

As I was walking, a song by Paul Stephens came to my mind (Paul Stephens was the student worship leader at APU for about three years - he has an album out - it's pretty good!  Also, his myspace page has a few of his songs - check it out!).  The song is, "No one Like You" and the last part of the song repeats this:

"There is no one like you; no one in heaven or earth, no!

There is no one like you; no one in heaven or earth, no!

There is no power like yours; no power in heaven or earth, no!

There is no power like yours; no power in heaven or earth no!

There is no King like ours; no King in heaven or earth, no!

There is no King like ours; no King in heaven or earth, no!"

Simply a beautiful song, with so much truth to it.  It's easy for me to see God in creation here.  Juneau is truly one of His masterpieces.  But at the same time, there is still so much sadness and loss here.  I'm sure people who actually look at me on my walks laugh at me because I always have this goofy grin on my face - the joy of the Lord fills me!  I hope you get a chance to see Juneau in your lifetime - you too will be amazed!

Hope you are all doing well!  I miss you so much!  Love you!

Blessings!

It's flooding, and this blog is stuck...

It's been a while...that's always my excuse.  Sometimes I just forget to update the blog.  But mostly, it's because nothing really exciting happens.  Seriously.  My nights are spent at work, and my days are spent sleeping.  Not a really exciting existence right now...But here are a few stories...

It's raining a lot here.  And by a lot, I mean it's actually flooding.  And by flooding, I mean you can hydroplane on the roads up here right now.  I know this...I've done it.  I love it though.  It's getting cold, folks are getting ready for winter, and I still have no clue what I'm doing in Juneau.  More on this later...

A few nights ago at work, a kid (not one of ours, and one too old to stay at CS) came in with a really messed up face.  He was mad and hurt and cussing left and right.  He said he was a friend of one of the TLP kids and that he was at a convenience store next to CS when two girls in a car started honking at him.  So he got in his car, and started to drive away.  The girls followed him, and kept tapping his bumper and going in front of him and slamming on the breaks.  So he got out of the car and asked them what their problem was.  One girl came at him from the front, the other from the back and beat him up.  Aparently the girl in the back had a rock in her hand and slammed it in his face.  When he got to me, his jaw was swollen, he had the start of a black eye, his lip was split, and his tooth was barely hanging on.  I gave the best first aid I could, but the kid really needed to see a doctor.  I encouraged him to call JPD and go to the hospital, but he insisted that he had no money and that he couldn't pay for the hospital visit.  I assured him that that wasn't what he needed to worry about.  He wouldn't take pain meds because "they thin my blood".  So he left with an ice pack on his face and a few bandaids on his hands.  Two hours later, he shows back up and says he can't sleep because of the pain.  I told him he needed to call the police.  Finally, he called, and they sent a fire truck, ambulance, and police officer (thank goodness my kids slept through the whole ordeal!!!).  He didn't go with the paramedics ("I can't pay") and made a report, and left.  That was a fun night...

I went over to a friend's house tonight for dinner, and met two more people!  Crystal (my friend) called and said she was making dinner for some people and wanted me to come.  So I went over there to see Ralph, who I actually met on Friday at the Gathering.  (Side note about Ralph...he is the brother of one of the original piranha's!)  Nice guy...And then I met Amy.  She's really fun - spunky, and enjoys having a fun time.  So we had dinner and played Apples to Apples.  So fun!  Ralph left early because he's staying at the end of the road.  Get this: he parks his car and then walks 2.1 miles to the camp he worked at all summer!  Um, PS, it's dark.  Not fun.  Anyways, Amy, Crystal and I stayed and talked for a while.  They're both coming over to my house on Tuesday and we're going to go "winter shopping" to get boots and warm winter stuff.  So good!  At least then I'll be a little more prepared, yeah?

On my way home from Crystal's, I saw a young black bear run across the road.  I was not to happy about that.  Connie (landlord) told me yesterday that there's a few bears around our house that are getting into stuff, growling, and the like because there's no fish in the stream.  So, apparently, bears turn to the garbage, houses, animals, small children for food before hibernation.  Made me real happy.

A few nights ago, Bri and I had her family over for dinner and games.  It's the first time they'd been over here since we got furniture.  How crazy is that?!  It was such a good night.  So much laughter and good food and people.  We're gonna do it again soon.  We did a lot of Grandpa Jim's puzzles - there was laughter, success, failure, frustration and elation.  Too fun!  Here are some pics from that:

So that's my life thus far.  I've gotten about four hours of sleep in the last 36 hours, so I'm going to bed now.  Hopefully I'll sleep for quite some time!  I love you all and miss you!

Blessings!

"When Did My Heart Get so Petrified?"

Graves may not be the best idea for me...I have WAY too much time to think...

So there's this song by Caedmon's Call called "Petrified Heart" that's been on my mind quite a lot lately. The lyrics are really solid - you should listen to the whole thing. But for now, it's the first verse and chorus that are on my mind:

"This old heart's been left
Out on my sleeve
And I have paid as it's been rent
Into pieces
Seems everyone
I've loved has
Taken a bit of my insides
I'm scattered as the woman whose body
Was torn for the twelve tribes

"When did my heart get so petrified
When did it get so hard to feel
When did my heart get so afraid to love
When did it get so hard"

Anyone that knows me knows that I have a hard time letting people into my circle. Sure, I can listen to anyone talk about their innermost whatevers, but when they ask me to do the same, it's hard - I don't like it, and I don't want to do it. Most of the time I don't. Sometimes I go superficial - tell people what's going on in the surface of my life. There are very few people that I'll talk to fully.

Why is it so hard? Why am I so afraid to let people in? And when did all this happen? I can't remember a time when I was not closed off. I remember times when I let a few people in, and trust was broken. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's because I'm afraid to trust, and in turn I am afraid to love and to feel. I feel my heart getting harder and harder towards people because it's too hard to love them and to feel for them because people make mistakes and break trust and disappoint you. But is that any way to live? My head wants me to go for it; my heart won't let me. But hey, don't tell anyone, alright? Wouldn't want to let anyone in my circle...;-)

Work has been insanely crazy. School starts on the 2nd, so the kids are going for their last summer fling before school. Problem is, they keep getting caught and ending up here at Cornerstone. We've had a full house consistently for the past week, and everyone says it's not going to slow down any time soon. While this job is by far the hardest thing I've ever done, and my heart breaks every day I walk into work, I'm finding that I'm good at this. I'm good at working with delinquent kids and kids that have seen more and done more than I know exist. But then I think back to the song. I don't feel when these kids are talking to me. You have to harden yourself to their attitudes and their circumstances and their choices, because if you don't, you won't survive. Don't get me wrong: my heart truly does break for the kids - they have so much crap in their lives that I can't even imagine how they are still functioning. But my game face goes on every time I walk into work. "When did my heart get so petrified? When did it get so hard to feel? When did my heart get so afraid to love? When did it get so hard?"

On a lighter note!

Tuesday I got a very unexpected phone call. Kevin (the set-up guy) called! Slight freak-out moment. He called to see if I wanted to play Frisbee golf. I still hadn't learned how to throw a frisbee, so I gave him fair warning. Long story short, we played, his friends joined us, and I learned to throw a frisbee. He was a great teacher - very patient. I could learn a few things from this guy... I'm not good, but at least the frisbee stays in the course! It was a great afternoon...that's all I'll say about it now.

Hope you are all doing well! I miss you still! Love you too!

Blessings!

Nothing Better to Do...

I've gotten quite a few calls and emails about me not updating the blog...I'm so sorry!  It's not that I haven't had any time to update it - it's that nothing truly exciting has happened since I last posted.  I wish something exciting would have happened.  It's been work and sleep and the Olympics for me.

Speaking of the Olympics, how amazing is Michael Phelps?  I know EVERY girl is in love with the guy, but seriously - eight out of eight golds, seven world records, and one olympic record in a matter of days?  That's a gift if I ever saw one.  And Bryan Clay won the gold in the Decathlon.  It wasn't shown on NBC up here.  Bryan went to APU and comes by every once and a while to talk to the students there.  He's a really nice guy - I've talked to him a couple times.  It's pretty cool to have a gold medalist from the same college I went to.  I was reading my friend Holly's blog, and she captured the amazingness of having a gift and using it.  She talked about people having found what they are good at - the gifts God has given them - and then using those gifts to the best of their abilities.  Like, eight for eight golds?  Then Holly gave a challenge that I wonder about myself: "I want people to look at me and say, 'Wow.  She found her element.'"  Will I be in my element and be worthy of a gold at the end of the day?  I don't know.

Life in Alaska.  Like I said, there's not really a whole lot to report on.  There are changes coming in work, but I don't know what they are yet.  Pray for wisdom there...It's raining a lot, and I love every minute.  I've gone out and gotten soaked a few times...Oh, and I found a great coffee shop and a great place to get a homemade milkshake - so good!  This could be dangerous...

I finally met the guy that my landlords wanted to set me up with - Kevin.  Super nice guy.  Very kind, gentle, and tall!  I had dinner with him, his dad, his sister, brother-in-law, nephew, and my landlords.  We didn't really get to talk a whole lot, but it was a fun night anyway.  Connie, my landlord, gave him my phone number, so we'll see what happens.  I'm not expecting anything, but we'll see.

That's about all my adventures.  Hopefully I can do some more crazy fun things soon.  Thanks for your prayers and thoughts!  I love every comment, email, and phone call!

Miss you and love you!

Blessings!

Thoughts During Grave Shift

I have a lot of time to think when I work weekend graves here at Cornerstone. So many questions pop in my mind: are there bears right outside my door? Are the kids in their rooms or sneaking out? Did the clock stop or is it really still 1:45 am? Why can't I go outside and play in the rain? Do people really read these blogs? Am I really so exciting that four different guys want to pursue me? What is going to keep me busy for the next six hours? Should I sleep tomorrow or watch the Olympics? After all, they're only on every four years. Am I loosing my mind?

Forgive me if this blog is a bit scattered...I'm trying really hard just to keep my eyes open...

My main purpose for this blog is this: I've been reading the "Mark of the Lion" series by Francine Rivers for the seventh or eighth time. (Side note. If you haven't read these books, borrow or buy them and read them. Seriously. They'll change your life - quite possibly some of the best books I have ever read in my life.) In the first book, there is this quote: "Jesus forgave the thief, but he didn't take him down off the cross." I never caught the significance of that statement until I read the book this time. I read it about two weeks ago, and I am still mulling over it. I am not even sure what I want to write here - still so many thoughts regarding it.

I looked up the verses where the thief and Jesus had this interaction. It's in Luke 23.42-43. Basically, one thief is insulting Jesus, while the other says, "Shut up! This guy has done nothing wrong, unlike SOMEONE else I know" (courtesy Laurie paraphrasing). Then the second thief asks Jesus to remember him. Jesus responds by saying, "I tell you the truth, today you WILL be with me in paradise". (That's not Laurie paraphrasing...that's the real deal.) The way I see it, Jesus had two choices. One, he could have said, "Yay! You finally got it! Go ahead and get down off that cross - you don't have to die today. Go tell everyone the truth about me." Instead, he chose option two - let the natural consequences play out, but all the while reassuring the thief about where he stands. At that moment in the thief's life, the thief realized the consequences of the choices he made. He asked for forgiveness, and was granted it. He didn't ask to be taken off the cross. It's as if he accepted the consequences. Maybe I'm way off...

(In case you were wondering, the kids are all sleeping in their beds...no problems so far.)

After thinking about that, I started thinking about the kids at work. They miss this concept! Well, they miss a lot more, but this can be said of normal everyday happenings. I see it a lot with these kids. Or rather, I see them almost to the point of the thief. They ask forgiveness for the stupid things they do (and trust me - they do A LOT of stupid things...) from all the staff, from JPD, from their probation officers, etc. Sometimes, these people do "forgive" the kids - they give them another chance - they take them off the cross. The majority of the time, however, we let the natural consequences occur. We may forgive them, but we leave them hanging on the cross. It sounds so cruel. But sometimes the best way to help the kids is to let them hurt; let them go to jail; let them be sick because the drug they took is making their system go haywire. Again, I may be way off base...

When I look at my own life, I see the many many times I have begged for forgiveness - from parents, friends, family, God - and they have graciously given it to me. But I am still left hanging on my cross - the one I put myself on. "Jesus forgave the thief, but he didn't take him down off the cross." It's what we as humans want. We want a life free of the pain we bring on ourselves. But sometimes God doesn't work that way. At least not in my life. Does he forgive us? Absolutely. Does he still love us? Unconditionally. Does he hurt with us? I think he does. Remember - the thieves weren't the only ones on the cross...

Again, maybe I am so far off - it is 2:45 am now. I'd like to hear your thoughts.

I miss you all still! Hope you are doing great! Love you!

Blessings!